I kept slacking and slacking and slacking.. and.. I still am.


sigh.



so, i decide to write out what I have been thinking.
and.. get back to my work.






first,


so many things happen recently.



bad things.

but the one that broke my heart most was what happen to my grandma.

:(




but I know what God have told me in Romans 8:28.

I cling on His promises.


He is Jehovah Rapha!!
the Mighty Healer!!






:)



Second thing is..


I kept avoiding a friend of mine, R.

:S


sigh.


he made me felt uneasy.


but
am so regret not answering his call the previous night..

haizz..

i missed the chance to meet my friend, Jc, which was just back from Ipoh.

haizz..

how i know he was with Jc?
and how i know Jc was gathered with them? =.=

haiz..

nevertheless,
yesterday, still went to Jc house with kel. haha..
actually wanna find him for lunch,
then ended up we had lunch at his house.
Bak tin mee shua. NICE!

I scolded him.
for not calling me out that night.
haha..

He said,
R want to call me, so he let R make the call.
and,
now they knew it.. i purposely don't want ans the call. haha..




but now i wonder..
am i a bit too over in this matter?


haiz..


Jc will be going to somewhere far to work..
don't know what country is that.. dong di wen, ever heard this?

first thing pop into my mind was,
he and his gf.
another long distance love. :S

are my friends addicted to this type of love?



:X

anyway, all the best to him!!

:)





3rd thing is,



it is not that easy to love the unlovely.




haiz..


you can try so hard to love,


but they just try to ignore your feeling.

they don't care what would you feel.
as long as they feel good, they do whatever they want,
and be whatever they want to be.


but you?
you try so hard to love..
try so hard not to burst out the anger..
try so hard to neglect own feeling as long as long the others feeling good & happy..
try so hard to be nice..
try so hard not to let others down..
try so hard to understand others..



yet..
they never think for you.
they never care if you have feeling or emotion.


so..
when you choose to be real,
when you choose to be honest to yourself,
when you choose to act like the way they are acting..
they do whatever they want without consider what you might feel,
so you do the same too and don't care what they might feel..


but.. results?

owh.. they claim you are sucks. you are bad. you are whatever.
they get upset and think why you want to do so.
they get hurt and think you cant be trusted anymore.




see,

human is just so self-centered and selfish.




and someone is. really is. damn is.






just like what i wrote in the previous post

"we won't think or care how much or how deep we have hurt others feeling,
but, we VERY mind what other ppl had did to us, say to us..
we feel hurt if they are bad to us."

and

"we never know if it is us who hurt others,
but we clearly know when we are been hurt by others."




when u did bad,
they kept it in heart.


when u be nice,
they take it for granted.















but,
never mind..


i will still learning this lesson.


love the unlovely.






but,
go ahead,
if wanna try to make me dislike you even more.

just go ahead.



lazy to care already.



stay as who you are,
and always thought yourself are right.




I am bad. I am bad. I am always bad.





third thing is,


yes,
you won't get the chance.




this time,
I know how to protect myself already.






fourth thing is,

i discovered one thing.






I have these two close friends, A & B.


they treated me nice. very nice.



and.. there are few common things in the way they treated me..




1. They always pick me to here and there.
2. When I call them out, the answer is often YES.
3. Even the place is so far far away, they still will drive me to there.
4. Even it is already mid-night, they still come to fetch me out if i want go out.
5. What's more, when I ask them if can pick Wilson, they said "YES" too. (Do you feel honour, Wilson?)
6. A can "ditch" his group of friends if I call him out.
7. B can accompany me to eat seafood even though he is allergic.


they seem to YES with everything I required.


the only difference is..
one will call me out when he is free,
and another one?
just wait for me to call him out or if another friend of us want to go out, then he will just ask me out too. haha..





and.. why i discovered this?
because of what Wilson said to me the previous day.



:S



but then..



I definitely hope there is no other intention behind them to make them treat me so.






I hope..


it is just pure friendship.











Wilson, zip your mouth.






done my talking here.
ta~