i don't know why a simple thing can turn out become so complicated.
i don't like it.
but i don't have a choice except to deal with it.
else, how do i keep moving on?
my leader said me that, i got an extreme thought/mindset..
in quite a negative side.
maybe.
but i know how to think positively.
i know what is right and what is wrong.
but it doesn't mean that i will always choose to do the right thing.
i am not perfect, this is what i always know.
thus i am not surprise if i repeated mistakes. again and again.
but it doesn't mean that i just let it be.
it doesn't mean that i giving myself an excuse to do so.
i know there is certain part inside me need to be renewed and changed.
but i also know there is a time for everything.
Ecc 3:8
"a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
all that required in me is the persistence to wait upon my Lord.
i know He is always faithful. He will never give up on me.
He looking into my heart.
Unlike us judge others by their actions and words.
i trust Him.
i know i can always trust him will never abandon me nor does He forsaken me.
therefore,
i never care.. if others want to step out from my life.
if u think i am not good enough for u, u can always feel free to go away from me.
this is why i never fear of letting people know..
how negative i can be.
or how bad i can be.
or how worst i can be.
this is also why i never fear of if people know i dislike someone and to what extent.
but of course i don't go telling around.
if u know, and u ask me, i won't deny it.
if u don't know, u ask me, i won't simply tell it. depend on who u are.
but i will not afraid if u happen to know it.
but i dislike how people make thing complicated.
either good or bad,
it is already my style to not to be friend with people i dislike much.
but i seldom will go and dislike others.
some people, how bad and annoyed they are, i still can accept them as friend.
only one kind of people, i will let myself stay away from them. and yea, dislike.
they are the people that cause hurts in me. but never say sorry.
they never say sorry because they think they din do any wrong.
it is okay anyway.
i can choose to go away.
and i let them know. obviously.
yes if i dislike a person, i will let the person know.
if i angry at at person, i will let the person know too.
i won't hide my feeling from them.
i won't pretend still good with them or smile with them, act like nothing ever happen.
tats why i don't feel guilty to people.
at least, how bad or worst i can be to them, i still be honest.
if i were to going say something bad about u,
i will find way to let u know first.
i wont backstab, but then i frontstab. i bite back!
i only feel guilty to God.
because i know God doesn't like the way i handle certain matters.
i know i should learn to forgive,
learn to let go hatred in me,
learn to love the unlovely,
learn to accept not to judge.
oh gosh, i hate those lessons. :(
but what to do,
i have to keep the lessons in my mind,
pray to God. time to time whenever fail.
the lessons seem harder to me because i got a low EQ. :(
leaders always told me,
must have a "big heart".
for only big heart person do great thing.
i always keep that in mind.
but i guess, i am not a good learner.
i need time for it.
i know what's the thing i shall make it correct.
i know.. i know it clearly.
and i know one day i can make it.
i know one day.. i can be a better me,
because i have Jesus in my life.
nothing is impossible with Him.
a time to fail a heaven test, a time to PASS ALLS.
so it is okay if u cant accept the way i am now,
but make it simple.
make it simple as in..
let me know if u are going to step out from my life.
don't go without leaving a note.
and to some people,
whatever u are trying to tell others, anything to do with me,
please dare to tell me too.
don't do thing in the dark.
pointless to talk behind me,
because it makes me look down at u.
if beh song anything or got any comments, why not just talk it out to me?
i am always welcome.
